It seems it's a must to write about the snow. On one hand it truly is beautiful, on the other hand I am ready to have my freedom. I don't have much to say, but that I leave in 20 days, which freaks me out a little. I am also so excited I can hardly handle it...here are some pictures of my parents yard in this 'winter wonderland'.
As I hit the keyboard to type ‘31 and counting’ my stomach rose up into my throat, my hands turned into soaking wet sponges, and my brain began to spark with puffs of smoke escaping out my ears. I am leaving in 31 days, in 31 very short days I am getting on an airplane and flying to Firenze, Italia, which I still can’t seem to wrap my head around. It’s still all very surreal, I am going to be living in Italy for a year and I won’t believe it till set foot in Italia. I have 31 more days, 31 days to spend with my family and friends, to attempt to grasp the idea that I am leaving. I don’t understand why I am having a hard time with us, part of me does, most of me doesn’t.
I am living with Mom and Dad until I board the plane, and I am so fortunate to have that option at all. I think that living in my house in NE up until I leave would have made things even more stress full than they have already been. Unfortunately, moving has caused mom and dad a lot more stress than I ever wanted nor intended. On top of my move, grandma and grandpa Soll are having problems and mom is trying, with her sisters help, to find a home for them to move into near here. I feel pretty horrible that I am causing my parents to be stressed, I guess stress comes with my territory. :)
So have you all gotten your skype accounts going? I hope so! :) Till I write again....31 days, WOW.
Do you have a skype account? I have mentioned to many of my family, friends and people I see on the street that I will be using skype as a major form of communication while I am away, or at least that is the plan, who knows what will happen when I get there? With that said, I have about 3 friends on skype. My friend count could be lacking for several reasons: 1) none of you have skype accounts 2) you have accounts, but don’t know my screen name 3) you have skype accounts and don’t want to be my friend. So which is it? I prefer to think you are all to lazy to get sign up :) I highly suggest signing up. If you have a webcam we can actually see each other when we talk, how totally exciting is that? It’s really easy, super free and kinda fun. So now that I have coninced you to sign up, look for me, I’m ‘bodenk’. Please do it...for me? I don’t ask for much...
I haven’t written in awhile. I have been busy preparing for the move, working, packing, working packing and a little more packing. Weekend before last I managed, with the help of my parents, to move a great deal of the boxes to there resting place for the next year or so. I like doing the move in small steps instead of one hellish day...seems to be easier, if you can make moving easier? I really dislike moving, it’s about as much fun as watching paint dry. After Thanksgiving I will officially be out of my house and shacking up with the parents until I leave. I am excited to stay with mom and dad, spend some quality time with them. I wonder if living with john & virg will make my leaving harder, or easier for us, only time will tell? I get the impression that my dad is excited I will be living there before I leave. Whenever I am at the mom and dad’s we tend to play cards fairly regularly, we have one game that three of us always play, ‘tree tirteen’. Dad really, really likes to win and when he does he likes to let us know. Mom and I, on the other hand, tend to be not so ‘vocal’ in our far and few between victories. I was at the house last week and I seemed to have the flu combined with a terrible migraine headache, it was a bad night, I was pretty miserable. Esther, my roommate and friend, has told me on several occasions that laying in dark closet and breathing in a paper bag has been known to lesson the pain of migraines and/or completely get rid of them. Mom got me a paper bag, a bucket and a blanket and I proceeded to get as comfortable as possible on the floor of a closet, breathing through a brown bag. As I am laying there in pain, almost crying and feeling close to death, my dad sticks his head through the door and says ‘hey hurry up and get better so I can kick your ass in cards’. I truly have the most caring, emotional and tender hearted father, I know you are jealous.
As if I didn’t get enough of my dad’s company I, went to the beach this weekend with my parents. I wanted to get one more visit to the coast before I left. The weather was amazing, I can’t remember a time when I was at the beach and had such perfect weather. The events for the weekend included walking on the beach, shopping, watching movies, reading, and in my father’s words getting ‘my ass handed to me’ in cards. I did win one game, one game out of maybe 15? I used to be the person who always won, and I won with little to know effort. It now seems that when I play ‘tree tirteen’ I have to try my hardest and yet I still get nowhere!
I leave in 55 days...less than two months. It seems a little surreal, at times I don’t think I am really going and can’t even picture myself there. On other occasions I can sit a day dream for hours as to where I might live, what my classes will be like, and where I might work. This entry seems a little pointless and a lot boring, but I was feeling a little neglectful. I will say goodbye for now, and leave you with some pictures from my weekend at the coast.
Several people have asked about this 'Emetophobia' I claim to suffer from. I probably should not have used that word to define my fear of vomit. So, for those of you that don't know Emetophobia is the irrational fear of vomiting, being around others who are vomiting, and/or the vomit itself. I cannot say that a doctor, or therapist has ever used this exact word in describing my fears...but it seems to make sense. Years back I looked up 'the fear of vomit' and this is what came up so I assumed I had it.
Long and short of it is as a little girl I developed this fear, the fear of vomit - seeing people vomit, that I would vomit in public. I was more afraid that someone near me would get sick and then I in turn would get sick. For some reason I connected this fear to eating in restaurants, it did occur in other places, at other times, but for the most part it was restaurants that I strayed from. In the third grade I broke my arm pretty bad, it all started then. For several years I refused to eat in restaurants, if the family went, I didn't eat, or I would completely 'freak out'. Knowing what I know now, this 'freak out' was a full fledged panic attack. My parents couldn't understand what I was going through, I didn't understand either. So I went to different doctors, mostly psychologists....we played Parcheesi a lot when I went there, that's all I really remember.
As the years went on the fear seemed to lesson, I could eat out in restaurants without having panic. I still had a fear of throwing up. If someone got sick at school, or anywhere near me I avoided the area like the plague - still do to be honest. I went through high school with no major attacks, head off to college and seemed to be good. Funny as it was I ended up working in a restaurant in Eugene, and stayed in the 'profession' for 10 years. Once in a blue moon someone would get sick, again, I would avoid it. I would NEVER be the one to clean up the customers mess, someone else would always do it. I managed to make it through with out mishaps.
I still have this fear, although it has gotten better with age. I still hate throwing up, and if anyone ever says they feel sick I immediately ask 'Are you going to throw up?'. If someone is sick I stay clear, I am not one to 'hold your hair'. I am very scared to fly, they have puke bags everywhere! I have never witnessed one being used and I hope I never do. To this day I don't ever want someone to hear or see me get sick, I turn on music really loud if I think I might get sick.
SO, I hope this clears up my self diagnosed 'emetophobia'. If you are ever feel pukey, please stay away. :)
Long and short of it is as a little girl I developed this fear, the fear of vomit - seeing people vomit, that I would vomit in public. I was more afraid that someone near me would get sick and then I in turn would get sick. For some reason I connected this fear to eating in restaurants, it did occur in other places, at other times, but for the most part it was restaurants that I strayed from. In the third grade I broke my arm pretty bad, it all started then. For several years I refused to eat in restaurants, if the family went, I didn't eat, or I would completely 'freak out'. Knowing what I know now, this 'freak out' was a full fledged panic attack. My parents couldn't understand what I was going through, I didn't understand either. So I went to different doctors, mostly psychologists....we played Parcheesi a lot when I went there, that's all I really remember.
As the years went on the fear seemed to lesson, I could eat out in restaurants without having panic. I still had a fear of throwing up. If someone got sick at school, or anywhere near me I avoided the area like the plague - still do to be honest. I went through high school with no major attacks, head off to college and seemed to be good. Funny as it was I ended up working in a restaurant in Eugene, and stayed in the 'profession' for 10 years. Once in a blue moon someone would get sick, again, I would avoid it. I would NEVER be the one to clean up the customers mess, someone else would always do it. I managed to make it through with out mishaps.
I still have this fear, although it has gotten better with age. I still hate throwing up, and if anyone ever says they feel sick I immediately ask 'Are you going to throw up?'. If someone is sick I stay clear, I am not one to 'hold your hair'. I am very scared to fly, they have puke bags everywhere! I have never witnessed one being used and I hope I never do. To this day I don't ever want someone to hear or see me get sick, I turn on music really loud if I think I might get sick.
SO, I hope this clears up my self diagnosed 'emetophobia'. If you are ever feel pukey, please stay away. :)
My friend Sarah posted this on her blog, at the end she had to 'tag' people she thought would re-post and answer the questions. I was 'tagged', so here you are Sarah, only 4 you....
4 THINGS I WAS DOING 10 YEARS AGO:
1. Waiting tables and thinking I was the bomb digity
2. Spending astronomical amounts of time with my dear friend Hope
3. Living with my parents after moving home from Eugene
4. Spending a lot of money in gas riving to and from Eugene on my time off
4 THINGS ON MY TO-DO LIST FOR TODAY:
1. I have lots on my to-do list, go to the bank
2. Send some samples of my work to a potential client
3. Get gas
4. Finish a book
4 RANDOM THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY HUSBAND (I am not married Sarah, not sure you knew that?, so lets say 4 things I would like in a husband?):
1. to be my best friend
2. to be taller than me ;)
3. to be intelligent and educated
4. to value family
4 JOBS I HAVE HAD:
1. an ice cream/yogurt shop girl
2. a waitress
3. an office cronie/filer extraordinaire
4. designer of pretty things
4 MOVIES I HAVE WATCHED MORE THAN ONCE:
1. dirty dancing
2. interview with a vampire
3. triplets of bellevue
4. back to the future
4 PLACES I HAVE LIVED:
1. Lake Oswego, OR
2. Eugene, OR
3. Portland, OR
4. Wilsonville, OR (Ya, I get around)
4 PLACES I HAVE BEEN:
1. San Jose, Costa Rica
2. Amsterdam, Netherlands
3. Bimini, Bahamas
4. Rome, Italy
4 PLACES I WANT TO VISIT:
1. Cape Town, South Africa
2. Prague, Czech Republic
3. Ayuthaya, Thailand
4. Auschwitz-Birkenau, Poland
4 TV SHOWS I WATCH:
1. LOST
2. Fringe (new one that is SO good)
3. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
4. Mad Men
4 THINGS YOU MAY NOT KNOW ABOUT ME:
1. I suffer from Emetophobia - :)
2. I love having my feet tickled
3. I won the smiling contest on Ramblin Rod when I was little
4. I almost always take baths, never showers
I haven't written in awhile, doesn't seem like there is much to say as of yet - I am still in Portland attempting to tackle this ginormous list of things I have to do before I leave. 'The List', as I call it, has been keeping me up at night, floating in my dreams and haunting me in my nightmares. There are big things on 'the list', and small things on 'the list', but it all plays a role, no matter the size, in my journey to come. Some things are big, like get my student VISA, others are small such as by outlet converters for my laptop and what not. I don't like doing these types of things, meetings, appointments, forms, errands...I hate errands (death by errands as my auntie Beth would say). I have always thought that being a grown up wasn't much fun because of these types of lists, I have struggled with this for a while. I liked it much better when my mom was in charge of the list, and I was in charge of playing. I am tackling 'the list' though, attacking it with full force....next weekend. :) Moving to Italy will hopefully do more for me than just help me become a better artist, my hope is that it will help me like all aspects of being a grown up, even the dreaded 'list'.
I have been having a lot of anxiety, sleepless nights about all sorts of things, as some would ask 'what's new with that?'...all kidding aside. I am questioning my decision to completely leave everything I know and love in my life for a year. I know I made the right decision, I know that I am going to have a fabulous time and grow SO much in SO many ways that I cannot even understand right now. With that said, I have never been one to make decisions easily, even the simplest of decisions such as what color of underwear to put on in the morning - I am constantly second guessing myself. So to make this decision, it's big, it's really big for me. I am worried that I will miss things when I am gone. I am worried that things will happen in the lives of those I love and I will miss it all. I know we can send pictures back and forth, and email, and skype...but I am not sure it will be the same. In reality, all I am doing is waiting for things to happen in their lives instead of making things happen in mine - I very much aware of this. I also know that I cannot be there for every special moment in the lives of those I love, I need to be in my own specail moments. Instead of waiting for them, I am going to start making my own 'moments'. I worry my niece and I will grow apart, that when I get back she will be 'too cool' for me. I worry that my closest friends will no longer be my closest, or that my BF will find a new one (yes I just used the term BF, if it is a term?). I really worry that my sister will have a baby while I am gone, adn that would be really hard as I am supposed to take pictures. I know I shouldn't worry, but it's what I do. Some people smoke, I worry. I know that people will go on living without me, they might miss me, I will miss them. What truly bothers me is that I can't seem to focus on how extremely lucky I am to be able to have this amazing experience. I mean, I am SO dam lucky, so fortunate, so blessed, I know all this - so why can't I seem to focus on it instead of all the other crap? This is scary, very scary for a mama's girl like me.
You know the hardest part? The part that breaks my heart when I think about it...the most pathetic part. My cats, it is killing me to leave my cats. I am worried they won't remember me when I get home. I am worried I won't get them back. I love them so much. It's been me and them for several years, they have been there for me through the good times and the bad...I know I sound like a crazy cat lady, I probably am. Pets are such comforts, and to leave them is making me feel like a horrible person. I know they will be loved and very well taken care of, but knowing all of that does not make it any easier. I bottle fed them from when they were teeny tiny, they think I am there mom, I am there mom. Enough about the cats....
So this was a little bit of a depressing blog, but it's the truth, and I want to be honest. I know these things; I am scared shitless of what lies ahead, I am so excited for what lies ahead, and I am ready to take it all on whatever it is scary or not. On another note I dyed my hair, I am trying to look the part of the eccentric artist...what do you think?
I went to the dentist a few weeks ago. I am trying to get all that fun stuff out of the way before I head out. I am not exactly sure what kind of care I will get when I am in Florence, so I want to take care of anything I am in need of now. Anyways, while at the dentist we realized one of my frontish teeth (I think its called an incisor) was a little loose. Long ago I had it capped over, the adult tooth was really small so they tried to build it up to match the other one. The doc said this tooth was really loose and if I didn't do something before I left I run the risk of loosing it while I am in Italy, which wouldn't be good. They suggested I get an implant, it takes about three months. They pull the old tooth, put in a peg, let it heal for three months, then they stick on the new tooth. After a little contemplation I decided to go through with it. Since I leave in about three months I needed to get the peg in
ASAP so it can start bonding with my jaw bone. I had the procedure last Friday, and all went well. The used the old tooth as my temporary, bonding it to the teeth next to it. I am not supposed to use it at all. Well, it already fell out...which I suspected would happen but not this soon. I am now walking around with this huge hole in my mouth, it's very becoming of myself. I am getting a lot of flack from co-workers...so I decided to go along with it. I am getting it glued back on after work, but until then I look like a blonder, heavier Amy Winehouse. I have attached some goofy pictures as we are a little slow at work so I decided to have a little fun with it. One is my attempt to imitate sloth from 'Goonies', the other a diagram as to where the tooth should be. :) Happy brushing.
First, I need to clear something up. I am thinking I sent this blog link out a bit too prematurely. I'm not leaving until the first of the year, probably the second week in January. Some of you have written me thinking I am gone already, or leaving in the coming weeks. I just wanted to be organized, sending out the link early. Plus, I thought I might blog about my preparations both mentally and physically as I believe both are going to be a bit taxing on me. For those in town, or close to, I am hoping to have some sort of get together before I leave. I am guessing it will land right around the holidays, or right after...so it may be hard to organize. But know that I will try, I would like to see as many people as I can before I go.
I received my student VISA papers in the mail yesterday. Funny thing, they are all in Italian. I haven't really sat down and read over the one page in English...I guess the papers are in Italian so the Italians at the embassy can file the paperwork? I guess it's the first of many language barriers I will come across on this adventure. I will have you all know, I have been listening to several ipodcasts I downloaded to learn some basic Italian. I can now order my own espresso, as well as ask where the bathroom is. I am feeling very confident in my abilities. :) Honestly, I took Spanish for four years in high school, not that they are the same language, but they are similar and I seem to be picking a few things up. I am also taking classes when I get to Florence...so you never know, I could become semi-fluent? I am sure the hot Italian I meet will help me along the way. :)
I am writing my first blog, or entry, I am not sure what you call it? I am a little nervous about this whole 'blogging' thing as I am not confident in my writing abilities...so please bare with me. I am hoping that as time goes on I will get better at writing these little entries, hopefully I will get a little more creative, better at description, awesome at comparisons, and extremely witty in all my remarks. If all goes as planned, by the time I have mastered these 'techniques' you will be hanging on my every word, eagerly anticipating my next entry like a child awaiting Christmas morning. Yes, that is the plan.
The reason for this first blog is state my purpose, if I have one? Some of you may know, some of you may not, I have decided to go back to school to get my masters in design. The school I chose is a little far from home...Florence, Italy. To say I am scared is an understatement. You all know that I am the definition of a 'mama's girl', and if you didn't know you now do. Not only am I close to my mom, but my whole family for that matter. I have never been away from them, and the little I have been aw
ay caused my parents to have to refinance their morgage because the phone bill was so high (that could be a blog entry within itself). So for me to move to a different state is big, another country - well that's almost unreal. I get the feeling that some people in my family are unsure if I will go through with this, but I think I have proven my dedication. It's time for me to cut the cord and have an adventure with out my mommy. :)
So my first big step was selling my beloved wrangler. I loved that car, I had wanted one since before I could drive. It wasn't my first car, but it was favorite. I had so many great trips in that car, so many memories. It was sad to see her go, but I sold her to a guy that wanted her SO bad. He reminded me of myself when I first bought her. One of my favorite trips was with my best friend Hope. We drove to the Gorge to see Dave Mathews Band. It was in the summer and it was hot, so we had the top off the car. We got so sun burnt on our faces, I think I was wearing a bandanna and got a horrible forehead tan line. On the way up there we noticed all
these people mooning us, and flashing us as we drove by. In the spirit (mom and Brenda skip this sentence) we decided to take our tops off for a few miles to get a little sun and join the masses. When we got there Hope realized she brought the tent, but forgot the poles. Weird as it was, the people right next to us did the same exact thing. So we put a tarp up between the jeep and their car and slept under the tarp with these strangers. On the way home we stopped at this funky old diner to eat and use the bathroom - as neither of us would use the porta-potties provided at the show. That was just one of many great trips in the jeep. I will miss you my wrangler, and I always miss you my Hope.
The reason for this first blog is state my purpose, if I have one? Some of you may know, some of you may not, I have decided to go back to school to get my masters in design. The school I chose is a little far from home...Florence, Italy. To say I am scared is an understatement. You all know that I am the definition of a 'mama's girl', and if you didn't know you now do. Not only am I close to my mom, but my whole family for that matter. I have never been away from them, and the little I have been aw
ay caused my parents to have to refinance their morgage because the phone bill was so high (that could be a blog entry within itself). So for me to move to a different state is big, another country - well that's almost unreal. I get the feeling that some people in my family are unsure if I will go through with this, but I think I have proven my dedication. It's time for me to cut the cord and have an adventure with out my mommy. :)So my first big step was selling my beloved wrangler. I loved that car, I had wanted one since before I could drive. It wasn't my first car, but it was favorite. I had so many great trips in that car, so many memories. It was sad to see her go, but I sold her to a guy that wanted her SO bad. He reminded me of myself when I first bought her. One of my favorite trips was with my best friend Hope. We drove to the Gorge to see Dave Mathews Band. It was in the summer and it was hot, so we had the top off the car. We got so sun burnt on our faces, I think I was wearing a bandanna and got a horrible forehead tan line. On the way up there we noticed all
these people mooning us, and flashing us as we drove by. In the spirit (mom and Brenda skip this sentence) we decided to take our tops off for a few miles to get a little sun and join the masses. When we got there Hope realized she brought the tent, but forgot the poles. Weird as it was, the people right next to us did the same exact thing. So we put a tarp up between the jeep and their car and slept under the tarp with these strangers. On the way home we stopped at this funky old diner to eat and use the bathroom - as neither of us would use the porta-potties provided at the show. That was just one of many great trips in the jeep. I will miss you my wrangler, and I always miss you my Hope.
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