It seems it's a must to write about the snow. On one hand it truly is beautiful, on the other hand I am ready to have my freedom. I don't have much to say, but that I leave in 20 days, which freaks me out a little. I am also so excited I can hardly handle it...here are some pictures of my parents yard in this 'winter wonderland'.
As I hit the keyboard to type ‘31 and counting’ my stomach rose up into my throat, my hands turned into soaking wet sponges, and my brain began to spark with puffs of smoke escaping out my ears. I am leaving in 31 days, in 31 very short days I am getting on an airplane and flying to Firenze, Italia, which I still can’t seem to wrap my head around. It’s still all very surreal, I am going to be living in Italy for a year and I won’t believe it till set foot in Italia. I have 31 more days, 31 days to spend with my family and friends, to attempt to grasp the idea that I am leaving. I don’t understand why I am having a hard time with us, part of me does, most of me doesn’t.
I am living with Mom and Dad until I board the plane, and I am so fortunate to have that option at all. I think that living in my house in NE up until I leave would have made things even more stress full than they have already been. Unfortunately, moving has caused mom and dad a lot more stress than I ever wanted nor intended. On top of my move, grandma and grandpa Soll are having problems and mom is trying, with her sisters help, to find a home for them to move into near here. I feel pretty horrible that I am causing my parents to be stressed, I guess stress comes with my territory. :)
So have you all gotten your skype accounts going? I hope so! :) Till I write again....31 days, WOW.
Do you have a skype account? I have mentioned to many of my family, friends and people I see on the street that I will be using skype as a major form of communication while I am away, or at least that is the plan, who knows what will happen when I get there? With that said, I have about 3 friends on skype. My friend count could be lacking for several reasons: 1) none of you have skype accounts 2) you have accounts, but don’t know my screen name 3) you have skype accounts and don’t want to be my friend. So which is it? I prefer to think you are all to lazy to get sign up :) I highly suggest signing up. If you have a webcam we can actually see each other when we talk, how totally exciting is that? It’s really easy, super free and kinda fun. So now that I have coninced you to sign up, look for me, I’m ‘bodenk’. Please do it...for me? I don’t ask for much...
I haven’t written in awhile. I have been busy preparing for the move, working, packing, working packing and a little more packing. Weekend before last I managed, with the help of my parents, to move a great deal of the boxes to there resting place for the next year or so. I like doing the move in small steps instead of one hellish day...seems to be easier, if you can make moving easier? I really dislike moving, it’s about as much fun as watching paint dry. After Thanksgiving I will officially be out of my house and shacking up with the parents until I leave. I am excited to stay with mom and dad, spend some quality time with them. I wonder if living with john & virg will make my leaving harder, or easier for us, only time will tell? I get the impression that my dad is excited I will be living there before I leave. Whenever I am at the mom and dad’s we tend to play cards fairly regularly, we have one game that three of us always play, ‘tree tirteen’. Dad really, really likes to win and when he does he likes to let us know. Mom and I, on the other hand, tend to be not so ‘vocal’ in our far and few between victories. I was at the house last week and I seemed to have the flu combined with a terrible migraine headache, it was a bad night, I was pretty miserable. Esther, my roommate and friend, has told me on several occasions that laying in dark closet and breathing in a paper bag has been known to lesson the pain of migraines and/or completely get rid of them. Mom got me a paper bag, a bucket and a blanket and I proceeded to get as comfortable as possible on the floor of a closet, breathing through a brown bag. As I am laying there in pain, almost crying and feeling close to death, my dad sticks his head through the door and says ‘hey hurry up and get better so I can kick your ass in cards’. I truly have the most caring, emotional and tender hearted father, I know you are jealous.
As if I didn’t get enough of my dad’s company I, went to the beach this weekend with my parents. I wanted to get one more visit to the coast before I left. The weather was amazing, I can’t remember a time when I was at the beach and had such perfect weather. The events for the weekend included walking on the beach, shopping, watching movies, reading, and in my father’s words getting ‘my ass handed to me’ in cards. I did win one game, one game out of maybe 15? I used to be the person who always won, and I won with little to know effort. It now seems that when I play ‘tree tirteen’ I have to try my hardest and yet I still get nowhere!
I leave in 55 days...less than two months. It seems a little surreal, at times I don’t think I am really going and can’t even picture myself there. On other occasions I can sit a day dream for hours as to where I might live, what my classes will be like, and where I might work. This entry seems a little pointless and a lot boring, but I was feeling a little neglectful. I will say goodbye for now, and leave you with some pictures from my weekend at the coast.
Several people have asked about this 'Emetophobia' I claim to suffer from. I probably should not have used that word to define my fear of vomit. So, for those of you that don't know Emetophobia is the irrational fear of vomiting, being around others who are vomiting, and/or the vomit itself. I cannot say that a doctor, or therapist has ever used this exact word in describing my fears...but it seems to make sense. Years back I looked up 'the fear of vomit' and this is what came up so I assumed I had it.
Long and short of it is as a little girl I developed this fear, the fear of vomit - seeing people vomit, that I would vomit in public. I was more afraid that someone near me would get sick and then I in turn would get sick. For some reason I connected this fear to eating in restaurants, it did occur in other places, at other times, but for the most part it was restaurants that I strayed from. In the third grade I broke my arm pretty bad, it all started then. For several years I refused to eat in restaurants, if the family went, I didn't eat, or I would completely 'freak out'. Knowing what I know now, this 'freak out' was a full fledged panic attack. My parents couldn't understand what I was going through, I didn't understand either. So I went to different doctors, mostly psychologists....we played Parcheesi a lot when I went there, that's all I really remember.
As the years went on the fear seemed to lesson, I could eat out in restaurants without having panic. I still had a fear of throwing up. If someone got sick at school, or anywhere near me I avoided the area like the plague - still do to be honest. I went through high school with no major attacks, head off to college and seemed to be good. Funny as it was I ended up working in a restaurant in Eugene, and stayed in the 'profession' for 10 years. Once in a blue moon someone would get sick, again, I would avoid it. I would NEVER be the one to clean up the customers mess, someone else would always do it. I managed to make it through with out mishaps.
I still have this fear, although it has gotten better with age. I still hate throwing up, and if anyone ever says they feel sick I immediately ask 'Are you going to throw up?'. If someone is sick I stay clear, I am not one to 'hold your hair'. I am very scared to fly, they have puke bags everywhere! I have never witnessed one being used and I hope I never do. To this day I don't ever want someone to hear or see me get sick, I turn on music really loud if I think I might get sick.
SO, I hope this clears up my self diagnosed 'emetophobia'. If you are ever feel pukey, please stay away. :)
Long and short of it is as a little girl I developed this fear, the fear of vomit - seeing people vomit, that I would vomit in public. I was more afraid that someone near me would get sick and then I in turn would get sick. For some reason I connected this fear to eating in restaurants, it did occur in other places, at other times, but for the most part it was restaurants that I strayed from. In the third grade I broke my arm pretty bad, it all started then. For several years I refused to eat in restaurants, if the family went, I didn't eat, or I would completely 'freak out'. Knowing what I know now, this 'freak out' was a full fledged panic attack. My parents couldn't understand what I was going through, I didn't understand either. So I went to different doctors, mostly psychologists....we played Parcheesi a lot when I went there, that's all I really remember.
As the years went on the fear seemed to lesson, I could eat out in restaurants without having panic. I still had a fear of throwing up. If someone got sick at school, or anywhere near me I avoided the area like the plague - still do to be honest. I went through high school with no major attacks, head off to college and seemed to be good. Funny as it was I ended up working in a restaurant in Eugene, and stayed in the 'profession' for 10 years. Once in a blue moon someone would get sick, again, I would avoid it. I would NEVER be the one to clean up the customers mess, someone else would always do it. I managed to make it through with out mishaps.
I still have this fear, although it has gotten better with age. I still hate throwing up, and if anyone ever says they feel sick I immediately ask 'Are you going to throw up?'. If someone is sick I stay clear, I am not one to 'hold your hair'. I am very scared to fly, they have puke bags everywhere! I have never witnessed one being used and I hope I never do. To this day I don't ever want someone to hear or see me get sick, I turn on music really loud if I think I might get sick.
SO, I hope this clears up my self diagnosed 'emetophobia'. If you are ever feel pukey, please stay away. :)
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